It’s been more than a month since my last post. Since then I’ve gotten part-time work as a writer, hit a wall with my screenplay, done some work for screen credit and gotten out some older projects with the goal of working on them again. None of this, however, is what I want to write about today.
In less than a month, I will have been in Denver for a year. It’s been less productive than I hoped; I don’t have a contest-ready screenplay, a publishable novel or a memoir nicely assembled from my journal entries and blog posts.
I realize now that I had a lot of hard work to do since moving to Colorado, and very little of it had to do with writing. I’ve been upset that I’m not writing more, writing on a more regular schedule or writing better. In the meantime, I’ve been ignoring–try to ignore–my grief. I’ve been going to writers groups instead of grief support groups, paying for writing classes instead of psychotherapy.
Despite having my priorities turned around, it would seem that I got the work done. If I look at how I spent my days since Hal died, I’ve probably worked a good 40 years a week at grieving and getting my life together. I even got paid for this work, since I used his life insurance proceeds to meet my expenses while I was doing it. Seen in this way, my writing has been a good, solid hobby that gave me something to do in my spare time.
And now, as the year is coming to an end, I’m about to lose my job. It seems to me now that I shouldn’t end this blog on December 4, the first anniversary of my arrival in Colorado, or on December 31, when the calendar year comes to an end. Instead (unless I change my mind), I’ll wrap up this blog when I get a job that meets my living expenses.
For now, I’ll try to enjoy the holiday season. It will be my 4th Thanksgiving and Christmas without Hal, but my second Christmas with my sister’s family. I’ll try to think of myself as on an extended vacation from work. I’ll write and play with my nieces and nephew. The job hunt will begin in earnest on January 1, 2011.
